I have decided to use this space as an outlet for the things I am learning about myself.
I recently read an article about how you aren't responsible for other people's happiness. This was really something I needed to read because lately I have been consumed with trying to keep everyone in my family happy. It has backfired because all it did was make me unhappy from all the stress of wearing everyone else's emotions. I need to relax and support my family in their feelings, but allow them to feel them. I don't have to fix everything for them. I need space to breath and feel my own feelings.
As such I have been changing my point of view and I am finding my mood has lifted almost immediately. I don't need to hold grudges or hold on to other people's negativity. It's alright if it makes me upset, or if it makes me angry, but I don't need to keep that inside of me, allowing it to fester. I need to recognize it and let it go.
Sometimes this is hard. My husband has PTSD from serving in Afghanistan. PTSD is HARD.
I walk a fine line between trying to minimize triggers and keeping things perfect. I only set myself up for failure thinking I can make things perfect. Things will never be perfect.
It's really hard to talk about. I have trouble putting it into words what it feels like, what I think it should feel like and how to approach the whole thing.
What is the difference between supporting someone and fixing things for them? How do I support them and also support myself without seeming like I don't care about them?
So many questions. So many many questions.